end of [these] days

This blog is going to go dark for a while (not like it was very bright these days) while I sort out some stuff.

Last night I realized that I've been spending too much of my time with the web-surfing and the social networking sites - mostly the latter. I like to find out how people I know or have known are doing, and what they're up to. Not that I want to reconnect, or even hang out once, just read about it.

This is what defines me, what has defined me since the beginning ... I'm not a doer, I'm a watcher. My favorite past-times for most of my life have been watching TV/movies/plays, reading, playing video games, and acting. These are not things that you do to complement a full life; these are things that you do to escape an incomplete one.

By following up with people, I'm not trying to live vicariously through them, I'm just collecting the information to flesh out their story arcs. Then I can finish the story, put the book down, and never read it again.

But the part of it that's most destructive is that I feel that nobody cares about what I'm doing. I'm reaching out, and nobody's reaching to me. And, really, why should they? I don't even care about what I'm doing. If I did, I wouldn't spend so much time not doing it.

So I've cancelled my Friendster and MySpace profiles. (My husband didn't want me to cancel Facebook, so I'm just taking an extended hiatus.) I'm no longer going to be following up on your shows or your kids or your personal dramas. Good luck with all of them - and I mean that, I want only the best for everyone - but handle it without me.

The idea is that the next time that I write here, I'll be writing about the good things I've done in my absence. On my computer's hard drive, there are unfinished plays, scripts, and even a few books. They deserve my time and attention. I deserve my time and attention. This - all this - does not.